Forever Young-ish…

Anyone catch a glimpse of their reflection in the self-checkout video at Target? Let me tell you, that sucker doesn’t lie. I did yesterday and WTH, like, I’m old now?? Is it just bad lighting?? Tell me it’s bad lighting. Why do I look ill? What’s happening???? I had a full face on, and yet, I looked old af. Someone talk me off a cliff here. Please.

I guess it’s all hitting me because I’ve been on a long-ass trip to Denial City for at least a few years now. Even when I’ve recently been finding gray hairs sprouting up, it’s like my brain turns off from the concept that I’m aging, and goes to a safe place where I assume everyone who sees me out with my two kids probably thinks I’m the nanny. Who do I think I am??! Benjamin Button?

I need to get a grip or at least some Botox… I’ve heavily started my obsessive-level research on all things injections and lasers, thank you very much.

I guess you could say Target was my age defining moment.

But please tell me I’m not alone in this? Was anyone else living in a delusional fantasy until they were thrust into the real world with a firm push in the way of sneaky surveillance cameras revealing their true form? I’m not spiraling or anything. Or rambling. I don’t know why you’d be thinking that.

Tell me your stories of accepting age, please. Or at least tell me how young I look.

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The One About the Potty Mouth…

For some reason I haven’t been sleeping that well lately.  I think it’s a lot to do with starting my semester back to school, and getting re-acquainted with all the large amounts of reading and writing I have to do again.  It always takes me a week or two to get back into the school groove, and until I do, my sleep patterns are always disrupted.  Lately I’ve been waking up really early, and then not being able to fall back to sleep.  Matt keeps suggesting that I take a nap when I get tired half-way throughout the day, but something you should know about me right now before we go any further (as Meatloaf would say), is that I loathe naps.  They’re actually the bane of my existence.  I do not do well with naps, and I don’t know what it is about them, but every time I take a nap I always wake up pissed off.  Go figure.  Some people love naps, I personally hate them. Anyway, I really have no idea why I went off on a tangent talking about naps…

So, because my sleep has been out of whack, I have had these really bizarre dreams.  Most of the time I don’t even remember my dreams, and I am definitely not someone who analyzes dreams to figure out what my subconscious is trying to tell me.  However last night I dreamt that I dropped my toothbrush in a toilet.  In my dream, I remember thinking it was really gross, but for some reason I thought the toothbrush was salvageable.  So, I went and grabbed some of Matt’s latex gloves out of his medical bag, and when I returned to fish my toothbrush out, the toilet was suddenly spontaneously flushing itself.  Every time I stuck my hand in to get the toothbrush, it would flush and disappear again.

This was such a weird dream, that just this once, I had to explore more in depth what this all meant.  I looked up what water in any form might mean, (e.g. bath water, rivers, fountains, dish water, lakes, bottled water, toilet water, dog bowl water, etc.) and I found that it represents something spiritually good, and if you are a fire sign (which I am), dreams with water are good for balance.  So yay.  Well, whatever all that is supposed to mean…

However, I got to thinking and doing a little of my own analyzing, and this is what I came up with:

  • Maybe it just means I need to clean my toilet?
  • Maybe it’s a sign that somebody has been cleaning our toilet with my toothbrush. Ugh, which would be the biggest fail of the century…
  • Dirty mouth?  Maybe I need to clean it up with some Orbit?
  • Maybe I’ve seen Grease one too many times, and the combo of Rizzo’s potty mouth and Jan’s Brush-a, Brush-a, Brush-a were too much for my subconscious to bear…possibly?
  • Maybe God was showing me the error in my own potty mouth ways, and it was a sign to clean that sh*t up.  Ooops, dang it, there I go again.

Or maybe what it really means is that I’m just utterly full of crap?

Well, I sure hope not…