No Soup For You.

You guys are never going to believe what just happened to me.

Before I get into it, does anyone remember this guy?

You know the "Soup Nazi" who tormented Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer on Seinfeld?

I only ask, because I basically just had an Elaine moment. <–P.S.  I said Elaine, because she was the only girl in the group, and I really like her hair…but not when she wears it half up and half down…never mind.

Anyway, my latest food fixation is Subway.  It’s not really a new discovered food craving per se, but more of a rediscovery.  Every night for the past week and a half, I have been making my way down the little hill from where our apartment is, and to the Subway on campus.  Yes, it’s the same Subway where I gave the infamous girl my headband.  If you don’t remember, perhaps you might want to refresh your memory and read Who does that?!?!!  Like, seriously who does that?!!!

So, Subway and I have been having quite a love affair, and it’s been presenting itself in the form of a footlong turkey on wheat, with lettuce, tomato, lots of cucumbers, and vinegar (hold the oil.)  I’ve had a nice little routine going; I get a footlong, and eat half for dinner, and the other half for lunch the next day.

I’m not going to say my experience at Subway is always easy, because it’s not.  I’m even going to go as far as to say, that to get that footlong sub, it’s a labor of love.  In fact, I usually have to put up with quite the debacle, before finally sinking my teeth into my delicious sub.  For example, on average, I usually end up waiting in line for at least 20-25 minutes (even if there are only 2 or 3 people in front of me).  So, now do you get the point?

Tonight, I went to Subway for the 15 consecutive day in a row, but it was not like the normal fiasco’s that I have become so familiar with.  This time it was different…and not in a good way.

Here is the part where I will give you a blow by blow of how it all went down.

Me:  Hi, how are you?

Just like Elaine, I nonchalantly ordered my sandwich.

1st Sandwich Artist:  (Looks at me and rolls her eyes.)

Me:  Can I please have a footlong turkey on wheat?

1st Sandwich Artist:  (Rolls her eyes again.)  She then pulls out an extremely burnt piece of bread from a cooling rack behind her, and proceeds to try and cut it.  However, it’s so burnt, that the bread has become rubbery, and the knife gets stuck.

Now let me just interject a little something here.  For some reason I always get the burnt bread.  Always.  It never fails, I’ll look at the person in front of me and behind me, and they always have these perfectly baked golden subs, and mine is always crusty and burnt.  The thing is, I never ever say anything, because I don’t want to be a pain, but today I was just over the burnt bread.  So, I said something…

Me:  Excuse me, I don’t mean to be a pain, but can I get a different piece of bread that is not so dark?

1st Sandwich Artist:  That’s all we have.

Lie, lies, lies.  I looked at a cooling rack directly behind her, and there were at least 50 different subs that were not burnt.

Me:  Okay.

I was annoyed, but what can you do? 

My sub then got moved onto the part where you get veggies, leaving me with no chance to protest, even if I wanted to.

1st Sandwich Artist:  What do you want?

Me:  Can I please have lots of lettuce, tomato, and lots of cucumbers please?

She then proceeded to stingily put some lettuce on the sub, but it didn’t even cover the entire footlong.  I reasoned, maybe she thought I said a little lettuce and not a lot?

Me:  I’m sorry but could I have a little more lettuce?

She totally ignored me, and proceeded to slop on two tomato’s that were rotten looking and yellowy, and put on three tiny pieces of cucumber. 

Umm…wait a sec, didn’t I ask for extra lettuce and cucumbers?  What is wrong with this picture?!  I look at my sad footlong sub staring through the glass at me, and I knew I had to fight for my sub.

Me:  I’m sorry, but can I please have more cucumbers?  (I didn’t even bother with the lettuce or tomato’s.)

1st Sandwich Artist:  She rolled her eyes at me again, and proceeded to pick out the tiniest cucumber, putting ONE more on.

I felt my blood starting to boil, but I kept telling myself, “It’s just a sandwich.  Chill out.”  But no, I couldn’t chill out.  

I watched as she pushed the sandwich onto the 2nd Sandwich Artist for the dressing, and whispered something in her ear, though I didn’t know what.

I ignored them, and focused my attention on the 2nd Sandwich Artist.

Me:  Excuse me, can I have some more cucumbers?  (Notice I was no longer saying please.)

2nd Sandwich Artist:  No.

Me:  No?

I'm fairly certain I also made this face...

2nd Sandwich Artist:  No.

Now I know how Elaine felt.

Me:  Why?

2nd Sandwich Artist:  Because she (meaning 1st Sandwich Artist) already gave you extra.

Me:  But she didn’t give me extra, she didn’t even put enough on to cover the whole sandwich to begin with.

2nd Sandwich Artist:  No.

Me:  What are you even saying “no” to?

Random guy behind me starts chuckling.

2nd Sandwich Artist: No.

Me: Okay well, I’ll pay for extra cucumbers….

On a side note, I know for a fact there is an option on their cash register to pay for extra veggies, because just the other day I got charged $1.50 extra for  jalapeno’s.

2nd Sandwich Artist: No.

Me:  Okay, so let me get this straight…I can’t have extra cucumbers on my sandwich, and I can’t buy them either?  I’m sorry, I’m just a little confused here.  Why?

2nd Sandwich Artist:  Because she already gave you extra.

1st Sandwich Artist and 2nd Sandwich Artist look at each other and roll their eyes.

That was it.  The last duo eye roll did me in.

I saw red.

Me:  You’re rude (I looked at 1st Sandwich Artist), and you’re rude ( I looked at 2nd Sandwich Artist), and I don’t want your sh*tty sandwich.

And that was that.  I walked out without my sandwich, and I didn’t even care, because I walked out in a freaking blaze of glory.  The guy standing behind me applauded me.  No  really, he actually clapped for me.  The whole thing was ludicrous.  I forgot to mention, it was the end of the night, don’t they usually just throw the uneaten veggies away at the end of the night anyway?!  It was clear that they were just trying to be rude, and it worked.

By the time I got home the adrenaline had worn off, and I was actually kind of bothered about the whole thing.  I’m not going to lie, I was mostly sad that I could never show my face in my favorite Subway again, and I was sad that my love affair with my footlong turkey subs on wheat, had come to a crashing halt.  I was also a little disappointed about how I was treated.

Oh well.

At least I went out Terminator style.

Oh Yeaaaaaaaahhhhhh

~The End.

Photos by IMDB

Why Miss Piggy and Kermit Are Gonna Make it, and Why Barbie and Ken Aren’t…

Barbie and Ken:

It’s no secret, Barbie and Ken have been together forever.

Good old Barb and Ken.

This picture is proof that Barbie and Ken have been together so long, that Ken hadn’t even discovered tanning yet, or highlights, and Barbie was still rocking the alabaster look.  Here’s hoping that when they finally discovered that being tan increased their attractiveness by 50%, that they at least went for a faux glow.

They’ve come a long way, huh?

It's amazing what a little tan and highlights can do...

Barbie and Ken have been through a lot over the years…

They got married…

Barb even had Princess Di's dress replicated...

They reproduced a beautiful child…

And named her Kelly.

But sadly, that still didn’t stop Ken from breaking up with Barbie in a very public way…

Barb, Ken wants a divorce...P.S. Who does that?!

Kind of makes you wonder what Barbie did to anger Ken so much…

Whatever the case was, Barbie and Ken separated, and a few years later Ken put up another public plea, but this time he wanted Barbie back…

Oh, Ken...Make up your mind!!

By Valentine’s Day 2011, Barbie had taken Ken back…Maybe it was for Kelly, or maybe she was just lonely without him, nonetheless they rekindled their love…

Sure, they look like the perfect couple on paper...

However, I personally think, that if Ken can break Barbie’s heart so publicly after all those years together, than I predict that their romance will no doubt eventually fizzle out again.  The point is, Barbie and Ken are the perfect couple on paper, but there is still something fundamentally wrong with their union, and we may never know what that is.

Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog:

Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog have a bit of a tumultuous relationship, too.

Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog have been together a long time, too, but let’s face it, they haven’t always been the ideal couple.

In the early days, Kermit was making desperate attempts to flee Miss Piggy’s advances…

Kermy was NOT having it...

But somewhere along the way he conceded.  Maybe Kermit felt it was easier to just give in to her, or maybe he really started to really fall in love with Miss Piggy.

Nonetheless the Pig and the Frog married each other…

Kermy is totally feeling the love now...

Sure their relationship has been plagued with rumors of Miss Piggy coercing Kermit the Frog into marriage, but the point is, neither Miss Piggy or Kermy have confirmed nor denied the rumors.

The one thing that is clear, is who wears the pants in the relationship…

Sure she outweighs him, but he doesn't seem to mind. In fact, I think he likes it that way.

The point is, unlike Barbie and Ken, who had a passionate courtship and are the perfect couple on paper, Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog’s love may not have started out ideal, but it grew over time.  They didn’t fall in love and get married right away, they were friends first, and that allowed their love to blossom over time.  Miss Piggy and Kermy have been through good times and bad, and have stayed together through it all.  That says something.

Most of all, Kermit the Frog could have easily put Miss Piggy on blast for pushing him into marriage, but he didn’t.  Unlike Ken, Kermy stuck by Miss Piggy no matter what.  What a guy, ahhh-hmmm…frog!

And that is why I think Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog have what it takes to make it.

Forever.

~The End

Photos by muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Kermit_the_Frog, http://www.sesamestreet.org/muppets, coolgreenmag.com, alifeofstyle.com, womenarealwaysbeautiful.blogspot.com, longislandpress.com, adpr1400.blogspot.com

One Stack of Sh*t Away From an Episode of Hoarders…

I cannot wait until Matt and I don’t have to live like hoarders anymore.

Let me explain…

Living in Grenada in married student housing is, well, interesting.  It makes a tiny studio apartment living in Manhattan look like a palace compared to this.  Basically we have no oven, only two burners, one teeny tiny table that’s not even big enough for two people to eat on, no counter space whatsoever, a tiny sink that fits about two dishes, thankfully a microwave at the least, and to sum it up, we basically sleep 7 feet away from where we cook.  Ugh.

There is literally no closet space or storage space either, for that matter.  In our bathroom, we don’t even have one shelf, so all of our bathroom stuff is either piled in our closets or on Matt’s desk.  Yeah, we’ve been pretty much living like two college freshman roomies for the past two years.

It’s seriously gotten to a point, where recently I was flipping through television stations (Oh, I almost forgot to tell you, we actually don’t have a TV either <–no room for one, but thankfully we have Slingbox on our computers), and I passed an episode of Hoarders, and it seriously hit a little too close to home.  My forehead began to sweat, and I realized…(hint: read below…)

Seriously.

It’s time to face the music, and come to terms with this fact.  When people come to our apartment for the first time, they usually all say the same thing, which is, “Why do you guys have so much stuff???  You’re living in Grenada, just deal with not having all your normal stuff for a while!”  However, for Matt and I, that is not an option.  <–Insert a Bwaaaahhhaaaahaaaa Bwaaaahaaaaa laugh right here, to personify just how completely ludicrous an option like that is to us.  If you knew us, than you would know that we are two people who some might call “characters,” and we’re also pretty stuck in our ways.  We’re both very particular about the things we like, and we’d rather live like hoarders, than not have all of our favorite stuff.  Yeah, we’re pretty irrational people.

However, I must say, that I’m happy we both prefer to live this way, because if I was the only one like that, then Matt might complain to his friends that he married a crazy hoarder lady, and that would be really bad, don’t ya think?!

On another side note, we are so much alike in other ways, too, that it’s downright scary.  For instance, we both get on what I like to call a “food fixation kick,” which is when we decide we like something, and then that is literally all we eat for about 3-12 months, until one day we eat it, and then we decide that we’re over it.  I’ve never met anyone else who does that besides me in my life!  Let me give you an example of some of my food fixation kicks:  Healthy Choice minestrone soup (lasted about 6 months), Oreo O’s cereal (about 11 months when I was 19), Special K with Red Berries cereal (12 months), Santa Fé Rice and Beans Lean Cuisine (5 months), and generic brand Bran Flakes cereal (5 months).  Matt’s food fixations:  Potato Buds (from what I’m told this lasted about 12 months), Mrs. T’s Potato and Onion Pierogi’s (still going), chocolate chip granola bars (6 months), spinach (still going), and also generic brand Bran Flakes cereal (about 6 months).  I know, I know, we’re kind of a couple of weirdo’s, especially with the generic bran flakes…P.S.  One time we went to the grocery store and bought their entire supply of bran flakes, and everyone looked at us like we were totally nuts.

Okay, so that had absolutely nothing to do with living like hoarders, but it shows how much alike we are, so there.

I just wanted to share one example of our hoarders situation…

See what I mean? P.S. This is my closet organized.

I could show you more, but it might just make you tense.  For example we have to keep some of our non-perishable food in suitcases because we have no room to store it in the cupboards, but you didn’t want to see that, did you?

Luckily, we only have about two more months living here, and then it’s back to the United States, so Matt can take his Step 1 exam and begin his clinical rotations.  I really hope our next apartment has a dishwasher, or at the very least, a big enough sink that I can at least wash a pot in comfortably.  I’m really just looking forward to being back on American soil, because sometimes living here makes me feel as though I’m living on Gilligan’s Island, but without The Skipper, Gilligan, Mr. and Mrs. Howell, and Maryann. <–Did you notice that I left out Ginger and The Professor?  It’s because that’s who Matt and I would be.

Hey Prof...What's shakin'?

Anyway, when we are finally back in the U.S. I am really looking forward to some frozen yogurt, McDonald’s, a Starbucks mocha-coconut frappuccino light w/no whip, a decent mani and pedi, perhaps a shopping spree at Forever 21, and a meal at Rosa Mexicano with double guac.  I haven’t had any of these things in so long, and I kind of feel like I’m losing my marbles.

The good news is that we are flying back to New York Rock City on my freaking birthday, December 10th!  Can you believe it?!  Soon after we’re back, we will start looking for apartments wherever Matt gets placed for clinicals, and I cannot wait for the new and exciting prospects.

But more than anything else, I am looking forward to not living like hoarders anymore.

Hip hip hooray!

~The End

Photos from IMDB and someecards.com