It’s Just How It Is (according to me)…

Everyone is dazzled by a French accent.  It’s just how it is.

Just ask Brigitte Bardot.

If you don’t believe me, just ask Brigitte Bardot.

You may find yourself appreciating things like stewed meat, beets, capers, meatloaf, fiber supplements, etc. after reaching the age of 30.  It’s just how it is.

If someone had told me 10 years ago that I would willfully eat a beet salad I would've said you'd gone cray cray.

If someone had told me 10 years ago that I would willfully eat a beet salad I would’ve said you’d gone cray cray.

Most people think they’re smarter, more talented, better looking, funnier, etc. than they actually are.  It’s just how it is.

Said most people.

Unfortunately said by most people.  If you disagree, you’re probably one of ’em.  Sorry to break it to ya.

Cancer really, really sucks.  It’s just how it is.

Everyone already knows it.

Enough said.

One day you might realize that Hall and Oats is a highly underrated band that makes you want to bust a groove.  You might come to this conclusion at a wedding reception when the band is playing Rich Girl, or maybe it might occur to you while listening to the radio in your car, but it will most definitely not happen until after the age of at least 25.  It’s just how it is.

Hall and Oats

Love the handlebar mustache.

Listen here to:  Rich Girl

Mixed tapes are highly underrated.  It’s just how it is.

Screen shot 2013-03-30 at 6.13.41 PM

Charlie from Perks of Being a Wallflower would back me up on this (if he were a real, living human being.)

Taylor Swift dates too many dudes and writes too many songs about them.  It’s just how it is.

I'm not hating, though, Tay-Tay.  I still heart your music very much.

I’m not hating, though, Tay-Tay. I still heart your music very much.

Everyone has a mirror face and it’s awkward for everyone else witnessing it, except for the person making the mirror face.  It’s just how it is.

Kim K. is a perfect example.  Naturally.

Kim K. is naturally a perfect example.

Detroit (my hometown) is so much cooler than anyone gives it credit for.  It’s just how it is.

The D

Period.

Teenage drama is and will always be the worst kind of drama no matter how old you get.  It’s just how it is.

See what I mean?

See what I mean?

The accordion is an extremely annoying instrument that is not at all pleasing to the ear. It’s just how it is.

Sorry all you accordion lovers...

Sorry all you accordion lovers…

Everybody wants to rule the world.  It’s just how it is.

Right?  Right.

Right? Right.

Every girl born in the 80’s tried to form their own Babysitters Club when they were a tween.  It’s just it is (or was).

How it all began...

You know you all did it.

No one really knows who coined the term “catfish” or what it has to do with being a scumbag online.  It’s just how it is.

He's looking at you, Mante Teo.

He’s looking at you, Manti Te’o.

~The End

Photos by http://solo-vintage.tumblr.com/post/30864230906/hoodoothatvoodoo-brigitte-bardot-photo-by, http://tastefoodblog.com/2011/06/26/roasted-beets-with-feta-mint-and-pistachios/, http://awakeningcounseling.com/blog_01/hello-world/, http://www.discogs.com/viewimages?release=1790330, http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/one%20winter, http://www.hollyscoop.com/taylor-swift/complete-guide-taylor-swifts-boyfriends.html, http://weheartit.com/entry/35517184/via/joy_sandra#, http://detroitlives.org/2011/01/14/friday-photo-run-long-live-detroit/, http://i.imgur.com/s7aMEw8.png, http://media-cache-is0.pinimg.com/originals/47/12/22/471222d7b0bcd02fda31b5c90d5ca3e6.jpg, www.monsterpop.com.br

Advertisements

Hello, HelloGiggles…

So, I think I’ve mentioned my love for the blog HelloGiggles on here before.  It’s the popular blog for girls founded by Zooey Deschanel, Sophia Rossi, and Molly McAleer.  The idea behind it is to empower young women and be a place to rant and rave about beauty, friendship, relationships, pop culture, pets, television, movies, fandom, etc.

Long story short, they’re really great about giving other writer’s a chance to contribute, and I thought about submitting something on more than a few occasions.  I’ve heard it’s a tough gig to get, but I knew I had to try.  This blog couldn’t have been a more appropriate place for me to get involved; there were other nostalgic posts about the old teen series Sweet Valley High (which I love by the way), Judy Blume (who I also love) is a contributor, and I could go on and on about all the reasons I wanted to be a part of it.

Then, I wrote an essay for a creative writing class I’m taking, and I knew it was the perfect post to submit.  It was one of those pieces that was written in about fifteen minutes, and one that I didn’t have to think too much about it. 

I felt like I had nothing to lose so I went ahead and sent it in.  By the next morning there was a response in my email.  I thought it was going to be an automated response, like, “Thank you so much for submitting and blah, blah, blah,” but it wasn’t!  They were asking me for pictures to go with the post because they wanted to use it!

So, I’m pleased to announce you can see my featured writing on HelloGiggles.  Can you tell I’m super thrilled about it?  Because I am!  Check it out at:

http://hellogiggles.com/my-grandmothers-lipstick.

~The End.

How Much is That Doggy in the Window?

This past weekend Matt and I made a trip out to Pennsylvania to visit a Shiba Inu dog breeder.  In Brooklyn there are tons of Shiba Inu’s walking around, and each time I see one, I squeal with delight at their cuteness.  They look like little foxes with their fluffy, flouncy hair.  Maybe my affinity for the breed dates back to one of my favorite middle grade books, Fantastic Mr. Fox by Roald Dahl, or maybe it’s simply because these pups are just so darn adorable!  Either way, all I know is that when I walked into the breeder’s home and four or five Shiba’s greeted me, I fell head over heels in love!

See what I mean?

See what I mean?  Cuuuuuuuuuuuute!

Now don’t get too excited, Matt and I aren’t the proud owners of one of these pups yet.  The breeders are very serious about their dogs and they won’t sell them to just anybody.  There is an interview process before you can take one of these guys home.  We’re keeping our fingers and toes crossed that we are chosen, and in the meantime, we’ll be mulling over puppy names.

How about you?  Do you have a dog?  If so, what’s the breed and what’s his/her name?

~The End

 

Five (out of many) Things I’d Like to do Before I Croak…

1.  Participate in a Dance Flash Mob

Look at Mitch go.

Dance it out, Mitch.

Did anyone see when Mitchell from Modern Family danced in a flash mob to “Free Your Mind” by En Vogue?  I knew in that moment that someday and at some point, I would have to dance in a flash mob.  I have no idea how these things are arranged or orchestrated, but it’s something that I simply have to do in my life.  In terms of a song I’m not really sure what I’d like to dance to…okay, I lied, I know exactly what I want to dance to:  “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” by Whitney Houston.  Don’t judge me.

2. Reform a Bully

Screen shot 2013-01-31 at 11.16.21 PMMy heart breaks when I read stories in the news about kids bullying each other.   I haven’t talked much about it in the past, but I was bullied a little in middle school and high school.  Nothing super crazy, but when I was a very tiny sixth grader there was a much bigger eighth grader who used to scream in my face every time she saw me in the hall.  But the worst of it was probably in high school when a girl twice my size and weight threatened to beat me up.  She never laid a hand on me, and in the end everything turned out okay, but all it takes is a news flash across the television screen about a new bullying incident to bring it all back.

That’s why I’d like to reform a bully.  Maybe I’ll get involved in a local outreach program, I’ve heard of them popping up around the city.  I’d like to make the bullies understand that putting someone else down, no matter how much you feel validated, doesn’t make you better.  It makes you mean-spirited.  I’d like to find out what they’re so angry about.  I’d like to find out why picking on someone else makes them feel good?  But most of all, I’d like to ask them if they’re someone their parents would be proud to call a son or daughter?

3. Give a Really Good Speech.

Hang in there, Colin.

Hang in there, Colin.

Does anyone remember this scene from The King’s Speech when Colin Firth gets up to give a speech and stutters profoundly?  I do, because I can totally identify with it.  In fact, I’m scarred from that scene because  I also Hate. Public. Speaking.  I hate it I hate it I hate it.  It’s horrible for me.  It’s weird because I could get up and perform in a stage play with no problem, but to get up and speak off the cuff is simply torturous.  That’s why my hope is that at some point I will master the art of speech giving, because it really is an art.  I better see if Geoffrey Rush is available for training…

4.  See Paul Simon in Concert

Paul, would you please play in New York already?

Paul, would you please play in New York already?

I can definitively say that Paul Simon is my favorite artist ever.  His album “Graceland” pretty much changed my life, and I could never get sick of listening to it.  Throughout my life I’ve been to tons of concerts, but I’ve never seen my favorite singer!  What’s up with that?  I can’t say I haven’t tried to see Paul Simon.  I regularly look up his tour dates only to find excessive concerts scheduled overseas.  Ugh.  I think I have to face the fact that if I want to see him bad enough, and have the religious experience that I’m sure I’ll have, than I might just have to travel (perhaps very far) to do that.  I know it sounds dramatic, but if I don’t, I’m worried that my life won’t be complete.

5.  Take a Gondola Ride Through Venice, Italy

If you've done this, I'm jeal.

If you’ve done this, I’m jeal.

I’ve never been to Italy, but I’m dying to go.  The one thing I’d love to do is take a gondola ride through Venice, Italy.  I’ve heard mixed reviews, with some people saying that the experience is overrated, that the water kind of smells like sewage, etc., but I don’t care!  I want to do it anyway and I want to do it soon.  I think I might have to win the lottery first…

What are some of the things you’d like to do before you croak?

~The End

An Open Message to the Guy Who Lives Above Us…

Dear Guy Who Lives Above Us,

You don’t know me, but I live in the apartment below you.  I probably know you better than you think.  I know about the atrocious sleep schedule you keep, I know that you don’t work very much if at all, I know that you like to move furniture around at all times of the day and night, I know that you like Good Morning America (I can hear you watching it every morning), I know that you sometimes dance all by yourself (mostly late at night), I know that you have very, very loud and obnoxious friends, and I know that you enjoy Wyclef Jean.  Cool.  So do I.  Particularly, I love his rendition of “No Woman, No Cry.”  Here’s the thing though, Guy Who Lives Above Us, I don’t really enjoy Wyclef Jean at three in the morning…on a Sunday.

It’s not like you don’t know that you’re noisy.  Multiple neighbors have filed complaints about you, including the elderly woman who lives above you. Then, the night when Hurricane Sandy hit New York, you really outdid yourself.  You had a party that lasted all day and all night.  Some part of you decided it was a grand idea to have this massive party at your place in Brooklyn.  You must have said, “Hey guys!  Party at my digs!  My neighbors won’t mind!!!”  Just curious, what made you think that was a good idea?

Maybe you thought that it didn’t matter, because most of New York was shut down and didn’t have to work.  I get it.  I didn’t have to work, but guess what?  Other people did have to work, including my husband.  Yes, he still had to report to the hospital by 7 AM, even though your party didn’t stop until 5 AM.  And by that time, he was already up for work.

Not cool, Guy Who Lives Above Us, not cool.

I’m not really sure where we go from here, but I’m just going to put this out there:  The next time I get the urge to sing Lisa Loeb’s “Stay” or “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” by Taylor Swift at the top of my lungs, I’m going to do it.  Yeah, I just may belt one of those suckers out, and make you listen to me.  Then again, I may sing a song with notes I can’t hit, notes that make me screech, and make you listen to me try.

So there.

The moral of this story, Guy Who Lives Above Us, is that sometimes your poor decisions make me go…

Seriously.

We’re pretty nice people (The People Who Live in the Apartment Downstairs), and hey, we’re just trying to get some sleep.  So, can you please just shut the f*ck up.  Please?

Thanks.

Sincerely,

The Girl in the Apartment Downstairs

P.S. Does anyone else have noisy neighbors?

~The End

Photo by Anne Taintor

How To Find Out If You Still ‘Got It’…

The title of this post might be slightly misleading.  Don’t let it fool you.  This isn’t much of a how-to guide at all, but rather my own personal story.  I hope you find it funny…

It all started one random Tuesday morning.  I showered, ate breakfast, and dressed for work.  I put on my black skinny jeans, black high-top Converse sneakers, a crew neck cream-colored sweater, and rhinestone button earrings.  Once I was ready, I grabbed my Kindle, and rushed out the door to get to the subway.

After a few stops, I settled into a seat on the train and began to read.  Not long after, a group of high schooler’s, all of them clad in plaid uniforms, hopped on the train, and began to converse loudly.  I tried my best to read, but the kids’ voices were boisterous and distracting.  Soon the lady sitting next to me got up and moved, and in her place, a gangly, freckled-faced boy with wavy brown hair sat down.  He was no more than fifteen or sixteen tops.  I continued to read (The Perks of Being a Wallflower) and I felt as though he was reading over my shoulder (I really hate when people do that, by the way.)  I ignored it, but after some time he quietly uttered, “Hey,” under his breath.

At first I assumed he wasn’t talking to me, so I continued to read (I was at the part where Sam stands up in the car while listening to Landslide by Fleetwood Mac.)

“Hey,” he said again, this time louder.

I raised my eyebrows and looked at him.  “Hi,” I said.

“What are you reading?”

“The Perks of being a Wallflower.”  And with that, I went back to reading.  (By this time Charlie was talking about Aunt Helen.)

“What school do you go to?”

I took note of his penny loafers, navy blue stock, uniform pants, and tried not to laugh.  This kid thinks I’m in high school?  I asked myself.  Wait.  This kid thinks I’m in high school.  Awesome.  I thought.

“What school do you go to?” he asked again.  “Saint Ann’s?”

I considered letting it go on, but he was so sincere that I felt a little bad.  “No, I go to college actually…and I’m 29…almost 30…and married.”

“You are not.”

“Yes,” I insisted.  “I’m afraid I am.”

“No, you’re not.  C’mon what school do you go to?  I’m not gonna stalk you or anything.”

“I’m serious.”  I showed him my ring to prove it.  “See,” I said.  “I can show you my driver’s license, too, if you want.”

“No, that’s ok,” he said, convinced now.  He stood up, and flung his backpack over one shoulder.  “Nice meeting you…,” he mumbled.

A few minutes later it was time for me to get off the train.  As I walked to work, I couldn’t help but laugh.  I looked down at my Converse shoes, and realized that maybe I was dressed kind of young.  I mean, I am young, but not sixteen.  Still, it made me smile, and inspired me to promptly put a status update on Facebook.

In other news, my dad has edited my name in his phone-book to “Mrs. Robinson.”

And that my friends is the story of how I found out- I still got it.

~The End.

The Woes of Being a Short Person…

This past weekend I went to a concert with my very tall friend, Reagan.  We went to see Morrissey at Terminal 5 in NYC.  One of the reasons I was so excited about this concert was that it was a small venue and standing room only, which meant a great view and an opportunity to get close to the stage.  So, why is Reagan’s height significant to this story you ask?  It’s simple.  She could see and I could not, because well, I’m short.

Sure the music was great, and Morrissey can still sing like he did in the 80’s, but I might as well have been listening to him on my iPod, because I couldn’t see a thing.  Nada.  Not even a little bit.  You know what I think is funny?  (You short people will hopefully identify, and appreciate this) All of the tallest men in the whole damn joint were somehow strategically placed in front of me!  Why, Why, Why does that always happen?

Throughout the concert, I became accustomed to watching other people’s faces around me for their reactions, because I couldn’t see anything myself.  Occasionally the crowd would “Ooooh” or “Ahhhhh” and I just had to assume something really cool was happening.  The most exciting part of the concert was when Morrissey sang the lyrics, “Close your eyes and think of someone you physically admire,” in his Bri-ish accent and followed it up with ripping his shirt off like He-Man.  The only reason I know this happened was because my tall friend who could see, turned to me and squealed, “Oh my God, Sar, he just ripped his shirt off!  That was crazy!”  I had to judge by her reaction of shock, then laughter, and then glee that she was thoroughly entertained by his antics, and that it was the highlight of her experience.  However, I did not see any of it.

At one point I blindly held my camera up in the air, set the zoom mode all the way up, and took a pretty decent picture.  In fact, I didn’t realize how good it was until I got home and saw for myself.  Geez, the lengths short people have to go to, to see what’s going on!

Not bad, huh? What can I say, I make the best of my circumstances.

On a side note, I left with a cool souvenir.  I bought myself a t-shirt with Morrissey in a barber’s chair, getting that signature ‘do of his.  How fitting for my profession!  Although I didn’t buy one, they were also selling tote bags that said “Shoplifters of the World Unite.”  Ha!  I thought that was quite cheeky and clever (forgive me for the British slang, but I’m going with a theme here…)

If I learned anything from this experience it’s that next time I go to see one of my favorite artists live, I will invest in some really, really good seats or skip the “standing room only” shenanigans all together, because it was kind of the pits.

Can any of you short people out there identify with this?

~The End