Frenchy: Hey, Marty, are those new glasses?
Marty: Oh yeah, I just got them for school. Don’t you think they make me look smarter?
Rizzo: Nah, you can still see your face.
1. Attend art galleries, and act deeply moved when you’re staring face to face with a giant painting of nothing but a big black dot.
2. Say ‘palate’ whenever referring to your taste in food.
3. Wear black framed, non-prescription ‘nerd’ glasses.
4. Live in Brooklyn.
5. Repeat ideas smart people have said in your presence and pretend that they’re your own.
6. Use words like, actually, literally, honestly, and personally, at the start of most sentences.
7. If you watch any reality television, You. Must. Not. Admit. This. EVER.
8. Tell people your favorite television shows are Homeland, any HBO show (other than True Blood), Downton Abbey, or Breaking Bad.
9. If you have nothing intelligent to contribute to Facebook, Twitter, etc., at the very least, use these correctly: there, they’re, their, your, you’re, we’re, were, then, than.
10. Pretend you’re really up on politics, but only read the headlines.
11. Tell people your favorite movies are foreign films, and then name drop at least three titles. Extra points if you pronounce them correctly.
12. Hang out at any coffee shop except Starbucks, and preferably one that sells crappy coffee that costs twice as much as the chains.
13. Shop at independent bookstores, and scour the historical fiction section (hopefully while wearing your black framed nerd glasses.)
14. Tell people you studied abroad.
15. Tell people you’ve read lots of books, and name-drop titles like The Importance of Being Earnest, Ulysses, A Tale of Two Cities, The Odyssey, The Old Man and the Sea, etc.
16. Talk about Freud and drop at least one of his theories into conversation at a dinner party.
17. Say you love every Woody Allen movie whenever given the chance.
18. Use the word ‘juxtaposed’ in a sentence correctly.
19. Use words like layered, texture, ripe, raw and supple when describing music. Bonus points if you can use any of those words to describe Bon Iver’s music.
20. When drinking red wine with friends, first refer to the taste as full-bodied and complex, then once you really have their attention, talk about how you love the hints of oak and cedar wood.
Pictures courtesy of IMDB