New Blog…

Hi Everyone,

I know it’s been a very long while, but I have a good excuse…I had a baby!  Yes, I had a beautiful baby boy, and now I’ve decided to start a new mommy blog that will mostly focus on navigating motherhood for the first time, though there will definitely be some of my old antics mixed in.  I invite you all to check it out if that sounds like it might interest you, and I really hope you will, because honestly, I’ve missed you all, and would love to hear from you.

Here’s the link:

Monk & Me

Please stop over and say hello if you have a minute, and if you have longer than a minute, please follow Monk & Me.

Hope to hear from you soon.

xo

Sarah

Long Time, No Read…

Is anybody out there? …

I repeat…is anybody out there?

Bueller?

Bueller?

Ha.  It’s been a long, long while, but just wanted to pop in to say heyyyyyyyyyyyyy!  Oh, and to give you the link to an essay I wrote, which was featured on HelloGiggles today.  Hooray!  Very excited about that.

And just so you know, I miss you guys like candy…or candaaaaaaaaay (insert Mandy Moore’s twangy voice.)

I promise I’ll be talking to you soon!

http://hellogiggles.com/ode-long-lost-granny-sweater/#read

xo

Sarah

 

20 Ways To Trick People Into Thinking You’re Smart…

Frenchy: Hey, Marty, are those new glasses? Marty: Oh yeah, I just got them for school. Don't you think they make me look smarter? Rizzo: Nah, you can still see your face. down your bra?

Frenchy: Hey, Marty, are those new glasses?
Marty: Oh yeah, I just got them for school. Don’t you think they make me look smarter?
Rizzo: Nah, you can still see your face.

1.  Attend art galleries, and act deeply moved when you’re staring face to face with a giant painting of nothing but a big black dot.

2.  Say ‘palate’ whenever referring to your taste in food.

3.  Wear black framed, non-prescription ‘nerd’ glasses.

4.  Live in Brooklyn.

5.  Repeat ideas smart people have said in your presence and pretend that they’re your own.

6.  Use words like, actually, literally, honestly, and personally, at the start of most sentences.

7.  If you watch any reality television, You. Must. Not. Admit. This. EVER.

8.  Tell people your favorite television shows are Homeland, any HBO show (other than True Blood), Downton Abbey, or Breaking Bad.

9.  If you have nothing intelligent to contribute to Facebook, Twitter, etc., at the very least, use these correctly: there, they’re, their, your, you’re, we’re, were, then, than.

10.  Pretend you’re really up on politics, but only read the headlines.

11. Tell people your favorite movies are foreign films, and then name drop at least three titles.  Extra points if you pronounce them correctly.

12.  Hang out at any coffee shop except Starbucks, and preferably one that sells crappy coffee that costs twice as much as the chains.

13.  Shop at independent bookstores, and scour the historical fiction section (hopefully while wearing your black framed nerd glasses.)

14.  Tell people you studied abroad.

15.  Tell people you’ve read lots of books, and name-drop titles like The Importance of Being Earnest, Ulysses, A Tale of Two Cities, The Odyssey, The Old Man and the Sea, etc.

16.  Talk about Freud and drop at least one of his theories into conversation at a dinner party.

17.  Say you love every Woody Allen movie whenever given the chance.

18.  Use the word ‘juxtaposed’ in a sentence correctly.

19.  Use words like layered, texture, ripe, raw and supple when describing music.  Bonus points if you can use any of those words to describe Bon Iver’s music.

20.  When drinking red wine with friends, first refer to the taste as full-bodied and complex, then once you really have their attention, talk about how you love the hints of oak and cedar wood.

~The End.

Pictures courtesy of IMDB

To Spill Or Not To Spill…

Do you ever get sick of yourself?  Like, when you’re talking, and suddenly you just want to scream, “Blah!  I don’t wanna talk about me anymore!  I’m over myself today!”  This happens to me a lot when I’m working at the salon, and mostly because I feel like so much of my day revolves around talking about my life.  I think other hair stylists will agree, when women are at the beauty salon they want to gossip, and let me tell you, I’ve heard some cray cray stuff in my time as a stylist.  What always surprises me, though, is how much clients want to know about me. Their questions range from personal to general, but I find that more often than not, I’m asked these questions: What brought you to New York? How long have you been married? How did you meet your husband?  What does your husband do?  Where do you live?  Do you want children?

Sometimes I feel like these ladies are looking at me all like:

You know you want to.

You know you want to.

I really don’t mind sharing things about my personal life, but sometimes it gets exhausting.  It can feel good to talk about myself and therapeutic to share stories, but there are other instances where divulging too much has made me feel overexposed.  I remember telling one client about the time Matt got really sick when we were living in Grenada and how scared I was.  An almost stranger knew about one of the most terrifying moments of my life, and I felt really weird about it afterward.

I think sharing personal anecdotes are one of the big ways women connect with each other (and human beings in general).  Women are emotional creatures, I get it, and I am very emotional, but I do find as I get older, I’m turning into more of a dude.  I don’t really like to have super long conversations on the phone anymore, I can’t stand gossip, and I’ve started to take things at face value more.  Maybe it’s because I live with a dude, maybe it’s because I’m content with where I am in my life, or maybe I simply spent my entire 20’s analyzing myself, and now at 30 I’m spent.  Either way, it’s safe to say I’m just not that into me anymore.  I mean, I love myself as I believe every confident person should, but I just don’t care to brag about how awesome my life is.

I guess I’m too busy living.

~The End.

Photo by Anne Taintor.

I’m Ba-ack!

I know, I know, it’s been ages, hasn’t it?  I’m sorry to be such a bad blogger, but my life got a little crazy there for a minute.  Just to give you an idea of everything that’s been going on, I thought the easiest way was to update briefly below.

First off…

I graduated college…

Actually had a good hair day, too.  Score.

Actually had a good hair day, too. Score.

I did the whole cap and gown thing, and my parents and Matt came to watch.  That day all I could hear was Taylor’s Swift’s song wailing in the back of my brain, “I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling twenty-twooooooooo…”  I really felt twenty-two, and it was surreal in some ways, because I couldn’t believe it was finally over.  Like, I did it.  I graduated college and with honors.  I was a little sad, because well, I’m a nerd and I loved school, and I learned so much about myself when I went back to college.

Um, we got ourselves a little Shiba Inu pup…

It's a great, big beautiful world for this pup.

It’s a great, big beautiful world for this pup.

Her name is Annie, and I’m absolutely butt-crazy in love with this dog.  She’s smart and scrappy just like orphan Annie (her namesake).  Matt and I have been working hard to train her, taking her to obedience classes, and teaching her basic commands.  She’s a little smarty-pants, and she knows it!  She’s famous in our neighborhood, too.  I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that every time I take her out for a walk at least four people stop to ask about her, and Annie just sits there, taking in all the attention like a little movie star.  Obviously, this would be my dog.

Right before graduation I found out that my screenplay was selected for my school’s annual film festival…

Screen shot 2013-06-30 at 5.06.33 PM

It was probably one of the most exciting things that I’ve ever gotten to be a part of.  Each year The New School holds a film festival where they select a handful of screenplays to be read by real actors at a live table reading in front of an audience.  My script went through heavy editing for weeks beforehand so that it would be in it’s best shape for the film festival.  When the night of the reading finally happened it was nerve-racking to hear my script come to life, but I swear I’ve never felt cooler in my entire life.

Not much else to report, except that Annie has her own Twitter page, and I would be tickled pink if you’d follow her!  The reason it came about was that one day I just sort of started doing commentary for Annie in this little voice that’s supposed to be what she’s thinking, and although it makes me seem a little (or a lot) crazy, I can’t stop doing it.  What better way than to share my eccentricities with the world!  If you want to know what Annie is thinking, follow her at https://twitter.com/LoveAlwaysAnnie.

It’s good to be back blogging.  I’ve missed you all!

~The End.

It’s Just How It Is (according to me)…

Everyone is dazzled by a French accent.  It’s just how it is.

Just ask Brigitte Bardot.

If you don’t believe me, just ask Brigitte Bardot.

You may find yourself appreciating things like stewed meat, beets, capers, meatloaf, fiber supplements, etc. after reaching the age of 30.  It’s just how it is.

If someone had told me 10 years ago that I would willfully eat a beet salad I would've said you'd gone cray cray.

If someone had told me 10 years ago that I would willfully eat a beet salad I would’ve said you’d gone cray cray.

Most people think they’re smarter, more talented, better looking, funnier, etc. than they actually are.  It’s just how it is.

Said most people.

Unfortunately said by most people.  If you disagree, you’re probably one of ’em.  Sorry to break it to ya.

Cancer really, really sucks.  It’s just how it is.

Everyone already knows it.

Enough said.

One day you might realize that Hall and Oats is a highly underrated band that makes you want to bust a groove.  You might come to this conclusion at a wedding reception when the band is playing Rich Girl, or maybe it might occur to you while listening to the radio in your car, but it will most definitely not happen until after the age of at least 25.  It’s just how it is.

Hall and Oats

Love the handlebar mustache.

Listen here to:  Rich Girl

Mixed tapes are highly underrated.  It’s just how it is.

Screen shot 2013-03-30 at 6.13.41 PM

Charlie from Perks of Being a Wallflower would back me up on this (if he were a real, living human being.)

Taylor Swift dates too many dudes and writes too many songs about them.  It’s just how it is.

I'm not hating, though, Tay-Tay.  I still heart your music very much.

I’m not hating, though, Tay-Tay. I still heart your music very much.

Everyone has a mirror face and it’s awkward for everyone else witnessing it, except for the person making the mirror face.  It’s just how it is.

Kim K. is a perfect example.  Naturally.

Kim K. is naturally a perfect example.

Detroit (my hometown) is so much cooler than anyone gives it credit for.  It’s just how it is.

The D

Period.

Teenage drama is and will always be the worst kind of drama no matter how old you get.  It’s just how it is.

See what I mean?

See what I mean?

The accordion is an extremely annoying instrument that is not at all pleasing to the ear. It’s just how it is.

Sorry all you accordion lovers...

Sorry all you accordion lovers…

Everybody wants to rule the world.  It’s just how it is.

Right?  Right.

Right? Right.

Every girl born in the 80’s tried to form their own Babysitters Club when they were a tween.  It’s just it is (or was).

How it all began...

You know you all did it.

No one really knows who coined the term “catfish” or what it has to do with being a scumbag online.  It’s just how it is.

He's looking at you, Mante Teo.

He’s looking at you, Manti Te’o.

~The End

Photos by http://solo-vintage.tumblr.com/post/30864230906/hoodoothatvoodoo-brigitte-bardot-photo-by, http://tastefoodblog.com/2011/06/26/roasted-beets-with-feta-mint-and-pistachios/, http://awakeningcounseling.com/blog_01/hello-world/, http://www.discogs.com/viewimages?release=1790330, http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/one%20winter, http://www.hollyscoop.com/taylor-swift/complete-guide-taylor-swifts-boyfriends.html, http://weheartit.com/entry/35517184/via/joy_sandra#, http://detroitlives.org/2011/01/14/friday-photo-run-long-live-detroit/, http://i.imgur.com/s7aMEw8.png, http://media-cache-is0.pinimg.com/originals/47/12/22/471222d7b0bcd02fda31b5c90d5ca3e6.jpg, www.monsterpop.com.br

Hello, HelloGiggles…

So, I think I’ve mentioned my love for the blog HelloGiggles on here before.  It’s the popular blog for girls founded by Zooey Deschanel, Sophia Rossi, and Molly McAleer.  The idea behind it is to empower young women and be a place to rant and rave about beauty, friendship, relationships, pop culture, pets, television, movies, fandom, etc.

Long story short, they’re really great about giving other writer’s a chance to contribute, and I thought about submitting something on more than a few occasions.  I’ve heard it’s a tough gig to get, but I knew I had to try.  This blog couldn’t have been a more appropriate place for me to get involved; there were other nostalgic posts about the old teen series Sweet Valley High (which I love by the way), Judy Blume (who I also love) is a contributor, and I could go on and on about all the reasons I wanted to be a part of it.

Then, I wrote an essay for a creative writing class I’m taking, and I knew it was the perfect post to submit.  It was one of those pieces that was written in about fifteen minutes, and one that I didn’t have to think too much about it. 

I felt like I had nothing to lose so I went ahead and sent it in.  By the next morning there was a response in my email.  I thought it was going to be an automated response, like, “Thank you so much for submitting and blah, blah, blah,” but it wasn’t!  They were asking me for pictures to go with the post because they wanted to use it!

So, I’m pleased to announce you can see my featured writing on HelloGiggles.  Can you tell I’m super thrilled about it?  Because I am!  Check it out at:

http://hellogiggles.com/my-grandmothers-lipstick.

~The End.

How Much is That Doggy in the Window?

This past weekend Matt and I made a trip out to Pennsylvania to visit a Shiba Inu dog breeder.  In Brooklyn there are tons of Shiba Inu’s walking around, and each time I see one, I squeal with delight at their cuteness.  They look like little foxes with their fluffy, flouncy hair.  Maybe my affinity for the breed dates back to one of my favorite middle grade books, Fantastic Mr. Fox by Roald Dahl, or maybe it’s simply because these pups are just so darn adorable!  Either way, all I know is that when I walked into the breeder’s home and four or five Shiba’s greeted me, I fell head over heels in love!

See what I mean?

See what I mean?  Cuuuuuuuuuuuute!

Now don’t get too excited, Matt and I aren’t the proud owners of one of these pups yet.  The breeders are very serious about their dogs and they won’t sell them to just anybody.  There is an interview process before you can take one of these guys home.  We’re keeping our fingers and toes crossed that we are chosen, and in the meantime, we’ll be mulling over puppy names.

How about you?  Do you have a dog?  If so, what’s the breed and what’s his/her name?

~The End

 

Five (out of many) Things I’d Like to do Before I Croak…

1.  Participate in a Dance Flash Mob

Look at Mitch go.

Dance it out, Mitch.

Did anyone see when Mitchell from Modern Family danced in a flash mob to “Free Your Mind” by En Vogue?  I knew in that moment that someday and at some point, I would have to dance in a flash mob.  I have no idea how these things are arranged or orchestrated, but it’s something that I simply have to do in my life.  In terms of a song I’m not really sure what I’d like to dance to…okay, I lied, I know exactly what I want to dance to:  “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” by Whitney Houston.  Don’t judge me.

2. Reform a Bully

Screen shot 2013-01-31 at 11.16.21 PMMy heart breaks when I read stories in the news about kids bullying each other.   I haven’t talked much about it in the past, but I was bullied a little in middle school and high school.  Nothing super crazy, but when I was a very tiny sixth grader there was a much bigger eighth grader who used to scream in my face every time she saw me in the hall.  But the worst of it was probably in high school when a girl twice my size and weight threatened to beat me up.  She never laid a hand on me, and in the end everything turned out okay, but all it takes is a news flash across the television screen about a new bullying incident to bring it all back.

That’s why I’d like to reform a bully.  Maybe I’ll get involved in a local outreach program, I’ve heard of them popping up around the city.  I’d like to make the bullies understand that putting someone else down, no matter how much you feel validated, doesn’t make you better.  It makes you mean-spirited.  I’d like to find out what they’re so angry about.  I’d like to find out why picking on someone else makes them feel good?  But most of all, I’d like to ask them if they’re someone their parents would be proud to call a son or daughter?

3. Give a Really Good Speech.

Hang in there, Colin.

Hang in there, Colin.

Does anyone remember this scene from The King’s Speech when Colin Firth gets up to give a speech and stutters profoundly?  I do, because I can totally identify with it.  In fact, I’m scarred from that scene because  I also Hate. Public. Speaking.  I hate it I hate it I hate it.  It’s horrible for me.  It’s weird because I could get up and perform in a stage play with no problem, but to get up and speak off the cuff is simply torturous.  That’s why my hope is that at some point I will master the art of speech giving, because it really is an art.  I better see if Geoffrey Rush is available for training…

4.  See Paul Simon in Concert

Paul, would you please play in New York already?

Paul, would you please play in New York already?

I can definitively say that Paul Simon is my favorite artist ever.  His album “Graceland” pretty much changed my life, and I could never get sick of listening to it.  Throughout my life I’ve been to tons of concerts, but I’ve never seen my favorite singer!  What’s up with that?  I can’t say I haven’t tried to see Paul Simon.  I regularly look up his tour dates only to find excessive concerts scheduled overseas.  Ugh.  I think I have to face the fact that if I want to see him bad enough, and have the religious experience that I’m sure I’ll have, than I might just have to travel (perhaps very far) to do that.  I know it sounds dramatic, but if I don’t, I’m worried that my life won’t be complete.

5.  Take a Gondola Ride Through Venice, Italy

If you've done this, I'm jeal.

If you’ve done this, I’m jeal.

I’ve never been to Italy, but I’m dying to go.  The one thing I’d love to do is take a gondola ride through Venice, Italy.  I’ve heard mixed reviews, with some people saying that the experience is overrated, that the water kind of smells like sewage, etc., but I don’t care!  I want to do it anyway and I want to do it soon.  I think I might have to win the lottery first…

What are some of the things you’d like to do before you croak?

~The End

An Open Message to the Guy Who Lives Above Us…

Dear Guy Who Lives Above Us,

You don’t know me, but I live in the apartment below you.  I probably know you better than you think.  I know about the atrocious sleep schedule you keep, I know that you don’t work very much if at all, I know that you like to move furniture around at all times of the day and night, I know that you like Good Morning America (I can hear you watching it every morning), I know that you sometimes dance all by yourself (mostly late at night), I know that you have very, very loud and obnoxious friends, and I know that you enjoy Wyclef Jean.  Cool.  So do I.  Particularly, I love his rendition of “No Woman, No Cry.”  Here’s the thing though, Guy Who Lives Above Us, I don’t really enjoy Wyclef Jean at three in the morning…on a Sunday.

It’s not like you don’t know that you’re noisy.  Multiple neighbors have filed complaints about you, including the elderly woman who lives above you. Then, the night when Hurricane Sandy hit New York, you really outdid yourself.  You had a party that lasted all day and all night.  Some part of you decided it was a grand idea to have this massive party at your place in Brooklyn.  You must have said, “Hey guys!  Party at my digs!  My neighbors won’t mind!!!”  Just curious, what made you think that was a good idea?

Maybe you thought that it didn’t matter, because most of New York was shut down and didn’t have to work.  I get it.  I didn’t have to work, but guess what?  Other people did have to work, including my husband.  Yes, he still had to report to the hospital by 7 AM, even though your party didn’t stop until 5 AM.  And by that time, he was already up for work.

Not cool, Guy Who Lives Above Us, not cool.

I’m not really sure where we go from here, but I’m just going to put this out there:  The next time I get the urge to sing Lisa Loeb’s “Stay” or “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” by Taylor Swift at the top of my lungs, I’m going to do it.  Yeah, I just may belt one of those suckers out, and make you listen to me.  Then again, I may sing a song with notes I can’t hit, notes that make me screech, and make you listen to me try.

So there.

The moral of this story, Guy Who Lives Above Us, is that sometimes your poor decisions make me go…

Seriously.

We’re pretty nice people (The People Who Live in the Apartment Downstairs), and hey, we’re just trying to get some sleep.  So, can you please just shut the f*ck up.  Please?

Thanks.

Sincerely,

The Girl in the Apartment Downstairs

P.S. Does anyone else have noisy neighbors?

~The End

Photo by Anne Taintor