Six MORE Things I Might Never Understand.

After I finished Six Things I Might Never Understand I immediately thought of a billion other things to add to the list.  I had no idea that post would blow up the way it did, but keeping with the tradition I thought I’d add…

Six MORE Things I Might Never Understand.

1.)  Pajamas in public…especially celebrities who wear pajamas in public.

Seriously? You went shopping wearing this?! Oh, for the love.

C’mon people seriously?  I don’t get why some people wear their p.j.’s to run errands such as shopping, getting gas, having their nails done, etc.  How hard is it to just slip some jeans on?  Or even yoga pants?  Why wear the plaid pajama bottoms that are clearly made to sleep in?  I don’t know about you, but for me this screams, “I just woke up, didn’t shower, and I was too lazy to dress myself so here I am, world!”  You wanna know why?  Because I’ve never heard of anyone showering and then putting their sleep clothes back on to go outside.  I mean, does that happen?  You guys tell me.

2.)  Why I ALWAYS pick the squeaky cart at the grocery store.

This is the face I imagine I'll have when I pick a non squeaky cart for the first time.

Why, WHY, WHYYYYYY, must I always pick the squeaky cart?!  As fate would have it, each and every time, no matter what I do, I get a cart that either screeches, scrapes, or squeals at the grocery store.  It never fails.  I have even gone as far as to put one cart back, and grab another, only to find that, that cart also squeaks!  What typically ends up happening is that I give up, go about my shopping, often to find every person I pass turning around to see where that awful sound is coming from.  UGH.

I may never know the meaning behind this, or if I’m meant to learn some significant life lesson from it…Patience, perhaps?  I’ll keep you posted if I have any revelations on the matter, though.

3.)  Sheryl Crow using one, yes only ONE, toilet paper square to wipe.

She was quoted as saying, “I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.”

Say what?!

Speak for yourself, Sher.

Just to give you a visual of what one square of toilet paper looks like, in case you forgot.

Okay, so I respect the message behind Sheryl’s stance, but I’ve got to say, it’s not realistic.  How would that little square even do anything?!  In my opinion, why even wipe at all then?  That little sucker is not going to go very far, can we all agree on that at least?  I think my favorite part is when she eloquently references “those times where you might need two or three…”  Two or three?!  That’s it, Sher?  I don’t think I need to get into why that is not sufficient, do I?

4.)  Chelsea Handler

Someone please make me understand!  I really want to get what it is that is so funny about this woman, because right now I’m in the minority.

Okay, so I get that this is supposed to be funny...

I’ve tried you guys, I really have, but I still don’t get it.  Does she have to grow on you?  Maybe it’s that sort of thing….Whatever it is, at this moment I don’t find her antics at all entertaining.  See, here’s the thing:  I usually enjoy a sort of dry sense of humor, but with her, I can’t help but find her extremely obnoxious.  The fact that Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon are her good friends makes me want to understand her appeal more, because I love those two.  Unfortunately, until I do,  I remain a part of the “I just don’t get it” club.

5.)  Why I can’t learn to read a map.

It's all Greek to me.

I can read the light up maps at the mall…Does that count?  Just kidding.  I would say I have a decent sense of direction.  For example, if I’ve been somewhere once, I can usually remember how to find my way there or back, but it has nothing to do with road signs.  If I start to read signs, I’ll get lost.  I’m better listening to my intuition and just going with it.

It’s a different story when it comes to road maps.  Let me put it this way, if my life was dependent on finding my way home by reading a road map, I wouldn’t make it home.  I also don’t understand highways or how to read a compass.  What I’m basically getting at, is that I am not the person you want with you when you’re lost.

6.)  The backlash on Paula Deen.

Such a good ol' girl.

Okay, so correction, I do get what some people’s stances are on the controversy with Paula Deen, but I don’t agree with it.

Why?  For many reasons that I’m not going to go full throttle into, so let’s just leave it at that I love her.  Like, I want to hang out and cook some of that down home cookin’ with her.  If you’re out there Paula Deen, pick me pick me!  I want to make some of that jello poke cake with you.  Please?

A lot of people came out and scathed her after she announced her diabetes diagnosis, but I remain a true fan, and feel only she knows the reasons behind the choices that she made.  Whatever she chose, I heart her.

Oh yeah, and that guy, Anthony Bourdain, who comes out periodically to harass her?  Dude needs to get a life, because clearly he’s living off of her publicity.  Note to Anthony…lay off my Paula…Mmmkay?

~The End

Photos by,,,,,

51 thoughts on “Six MORE Things I Might Never Understand.

  1. And yet another great read. It’s amazing how such simple content can go viral, isn’t it? Also, about the shopping carts .. Estonian’s mostly use baskets, but every single one of the baskets I take has the handle where you hold on to freaking broken so the basket’s weight is all messed up so I have to put the heavy stuff left or right in order to actually make it to the registry. Pissin’ me off.

  2. Oh, yeah…I totally agree on these; but, I do love maps…call me a geek but ever since I can remember…1st or 2nd grade…I have been fascinated with maps. That being said…some maps, where there are multiple highways, are HARD to read! Kudos on another great post!

  3. OMG – LMAO reading this!!! I can say I am navigation challenged too. I always get the cart that only wants to go left – go figure. #3 like totally why even wipe – love that!!! Thanks for sharing:)

  4. 1) We can’t legislate good taste.
    2) The one I get always “pulls” to the left, forcing me into oncoming traffic.
    3) She’s gross.
    4) Being obnoxious is supposed to be funny. It’s ok that you don’t get it.
    5) To hell with maps … just as Siri for directions.
    6) Those who advocate fewer gun restrictions must not complain when they get shot.

    Great post!

  5. i think chelsea handler is kind of funny. i mean, i don’t watch her show, but i laugh at the show’s commercials. however, i don’t have much respect for someone whose entire empire is built on being a bitch to people. she is mean!

  6. Anytime my brother sees someone out in sweats he’ll say, “You know that person hasn’t showered today.” It really is true. No one showers and then gets in pants that have an elastic waist to go out for the day.
    I happened to be in the “I think Chelsea Handler is effing hilarious” camp, and no, she doesn’t grow on you. I think you just love her or you don’t. But I completely get what you’re saying. I have tried and tried but I do not think Will Ferrill is funny. At all. Or Conan. So……….I think you just don’t like some people, even if everyone else does.
    PS Last night I was watching the Kardashian season finale and seriously felt like tweeting or facebooking about how it’s mind boggling to me how any man would want to get into a relationship with her when you can see ON TV how horribly she treats her own husband. And then I thought….ya know, I really don’t feel like arguing my point or looking like a jerk. I should just take Sarah’s stance and not post something that invites debate. (Although, I think most would agree with me on this one.) Anyway, I decided to keep that negative thought to myself (until I just posted it on the www.) 🙂

    • I always love your responses! Can we just talk about Kim K. for a sec? She is so cray cray, and I totally wanted to post a rant about her also. C’mon, you don’t want your husband to move his stuff in?! I loved when Scott was like, “You are aware you’re married, right?” That was good, and Kourtney needed to put her in her place, because she was acting like a b.

      Glad you refrained from posting…we both know it was for the best!

  7. Hilarious! I just found you and I’m so glad I did. And while not navigationally challenged, I absolutely do not get Chelsea Handler. My grocery store just got new carts 🙂

  8. Agree with you on pretty much all of these! Especially pajamas in public—that’s a good one. And Chelsea Handler kind of has to grow on you, yes, but I’m still not a big fan of hers. I don’t really get her to be honest.

  9. I know what you mean about the carts! With me, it seems I always pick the one with the bad alignment–you know, the ones that when you push it forward, it always veers to the right or the left and won’t go straight!

    I also love Paula Deen and don’t get all the trash talk about her just because she has diabetes. I just recently made (and ate every piece) of her recipe for 5-layer bars. It was fantastic 🙂

    • So many people have written to me to tell me that they have the same grocery cart drama. So glad to know that I’m not alone!:) P.S. Gonna check out those 5 layer bars…

  10. Too Funny! I think all shopping carts are squeaky, not just the ones you get! I too do not understand C.H., I have tried on multiple occasions from her show to her book. But I just don’t get it and like Adult cartoons, I don’t think I ever will. And the Sheryl Crow thing, too freaking funny. I plan on using as much as I need, Thank you very much. Lets worry more about leaving the sinking running or something else eco-friendly, but not TP. I think thats just a little gross, don’t you? lol Thanks for the great post!

  11. I do not get the whole Chelsea Handler thing either. I think she’s completely obnoxious. Of course, I have finally come to the point where Jennifer Anniston, and Reese Witherspoon to a lesser extent, are obnoxious to me also, so the fact that they’re bosom buddies is sort of “birds of a feather” with me. JA has just gotten completely ridiculous IMO – she is a relationship retard and a snob. RW is not obnoxious in and of herself, but (like Aniston) she has hit critical mass with the media slobbering over every single thing she (they) do. I’m over it.

  12. I am not a big Chelsea Handler fan either. I feel like I am missing something too! Bit she just doesn’t make me laugh…

  13. Agreed on Chelsea Handler…I don’t get it either. Also, I will testify first hand that you should never rely on sign-logic…clearly, I suffer the same disorder and this has led to many a road trip debacle for us, I know. At least now I plan on getting lost whenever I’m driving somewhere new (GPS-logic also seems to fail me…”turn right”…like now? NOW? oh wait, crap.) Ah, our misguided road trips…those were the days!

    • Oh yes, we have had many a misguided road trip. I started laughing out loud at your description of the GPS. I totally do that too! I’m like, “Wait turn now? Like right now? Or was it a warning?!” Haha! Then, that voice comes on, “Recalculating. Recalculationg,” and I’m like, “Oh sh*t.” Haha!

  14. Sar-
    1- Does anyone even own real pj’s like that anymore, besides every celeb? Yes at least put yoga pants on.
    2- I think the only logical explanation for the shopping cart is … THEY ARE ALL CRAP! it happens to me every time too. Horrible especially with 2 kids bouncing around in it.
    3- I am super grossed out about the 1 toilet paper square, I mean how absorbant is it I hope at least 2 or 3 ply because she is for sure getting wet hands.
    4- I have a very good friend that is very high up in the lovely E! world, miss C for sure “slept” her way to the top …. email me for more deets if you want them!
    5- I haven’t seen a map in years… Just use my lovely GPS Margot (that is what I named her) sounds british right?
    6- Paula Dean, I love everything about her… I was so pissed when I read all of the backlash too… Seriously people. It’s not like she is forcing people to eat it everyday for every meal! I love responding to your posts.. I always write novels.

    • Lac, first of all, I love the novels you write in response to my posts…so awesome. Second of all, I am DYYYYYINNNNNGGGGG to know the deets on CH. I can’t say I’m at all surprised about what you said, but I gotta know more about it. You’ve intrigued me, and I love how you have this secret source…very mysterious!

  15. hahaha. love this. and i’m apparently in the minority as well, because i don’t get chelsea handler either. she doesn’t grow on you. i mean, you can try if you want to, or you can just take my word and use that time you would have wasted on useless humor and do something more productive with your life.

    • I love that so many people have written to me telling me they also don’t get CH! I always felt so alone in that before, but you guys have given me hope!

  16. Pingback: January 30th, 2012 | I Am Your Wallflower

  17. 1: If I’m going somewhere I atleast put my yoga pants or jeans on. Atleast if I put my Yoga pants on people might actually assume I use them to actual do yoga. ha.
    2:I always get the shopping cart that seems to want to run turn right into someone. Its obnoxious
    3: 1 square is not enough…enough said
    4: I didn’t like Chelsea Handler until I read her books. I had tried to watch her show and she was just annoying, but I read her books, and that made me like her sense of humor. They are pretty funny. I still don’t watch the show unless its a guest I really like, and I only watch
    that segment, none of the other parts.
    5: I don’t read maps. I just listen to the phone say “turn left here” and hope I’m going to the right place 🙂
    6: Paula Deen is awesome!!!

  18. I guess if you’re diabetic you shouldn’t be allowed to cook, especially cook well… Come on now! It’s not like she suggests you ingest her southern cooking every single meal, but hey, this lady turned being a single mom into an empire making lunch for some good ol’ boys, as opposed to getting on food stamps and wasting her days collecting welfare. Yeah, that’s a terrible way to spend a life! 🙂

    • Exactly, its not like she’s making everyone eat her food! Hello, it’s a free country, remember people?! There are also McDonalds’ on every corner, is that to blame too?

  19. Don’t feel bad about the grocery cart thing, I’m pretty sure they all have a squeaky wheel. At least, that’s what I tell myself so I don’t feel like the unluckiest person ever.

  20. Another great read!

    In answer to your question from #1, I do know a person who will get up, shower, and put clean pajamas on. That said, she always has the good sense to dress in normal clothes when she leaves her apartment. So even the person who puts pajamas back on agrees with you about number 1.

  21. The only one I’d say we differ on is Paula Deen. As a diabetic, and (now former) fan, I am disgusted by the choice she has made. She knew for 3 years that she has a disease that in many cases can be controlled with diet and exercise. Instead she continued to sell high fat, high calorie dishes to the masses. When she did “come out”, rather than being an advocate for exercise/diet and helping people through paring down her popular dishes, she chose to endorse a drug. Through the choices she has made, she is saying that you can continue to eat high fat/high calorie foods and just take medication and it will be fine.

    While every person is responsible for their own health, I feel that she is doing a grave disservice to her fans by promoting a drug rather than responsible choices. Perhaps I have high standards, but I feel that as a public figure, she had an opportunity to be an example to her fans and chose to make money promoting untruth instead. As a diabetic, you cannot eat whatever you want and take a drug and have no consequences. I would have respected her a great deal more had she advocated healthy eating choices and been an example to her fans.

  22. At the age of 25 I still find myself using the Joey-trick – I place the map on the ground and stand on it. Obviously, this doesn’t work well when driving.

    Great read!

  23. So I don’t know about any controversy, and I have nothing against her personally, but I think Paula Deen is the creepiest looking person I’ve ever seen. Second, perhaps, to Joan Rivers.

  24. Chelsea Handler is a complete mystery to me as well. You can only imagine that her private persona MUST not be as skanky and foul, or she’d have NO friends. Then again, “we” seem to love hot messes lately, which could explain her meteoric rise.

  25. Great post – I don’t get Chelsea Handler either – that much swearing turns me off. I’m all for positive humor. In Shanghai it’s really common for people to wear their pajamas on the street and my friend even gave me a coffee table book with Shanghai street photos that has two chapters devoted to pajama wearing locals. I really don’t think I’ll ever understand it though. Thanks for making me laugh.

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