This One’s For The Girls…

“There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.”

― Madeleine Albright

Women tearing down other women isn’t a new phenomenon or anything, and if you’re a woman then you have probably experienced this at least a time or two in your life.  It got me thinking, though…

What is up with how some women tear each other down?

Personally, I just don’t get it.

Here is my version of a case study:

A few years ago I worked at a salon where there was an equal ratio of women to men.  I had a man for a boss, and before I was a real hair stylist taking my own clients, I apprenticed mostly under all men.  Now here is the thing that I noticed over the course of three or so years of working there, the salon became somewhat of a “boys club.”  So, what does a “boys club” mean anyway?  Basically, it’s when men form their own alliance within a workplace that consists of both men and women, and have each others back no matter what.  It made for an interesting dynamic, and the strong boys against girls attitude became palpable over time.

It bugged me.

Big time.

It kind of reminded me of a book my mother read to me when I was little…

C'mon can't Sister Bear play?

It didn’t bug me because I felt left out of the “boys club,” no that wasn’t it at all, it bugged me that the women in the salon didn’t have the same attitude as the men had toward one another.  In fact, it was the total opposite.  I’m not saying that all the women who worked there were out to get each other, but I am saying that there were definitely some that were.  In particular, there was a ring leader or two who actively did try to bring other women down to get ahead.  It came in many different forms, such as telling the boss blatant lies, talking about other female stylists behind their backs, all while simultaneously smiling to their faces. The situation became toxic, especially when other women who wouldn’t normally be so catty joined in on it.  Unfortunately,  I’m embarrassed to say that there were times when I got sucked into it, too.  The kicker of this story, is that each time the women behaved this way to each other, the boys club’s alliance only strengthened.

When I look back at this, I think it’s kind of sad.

I should probably note that I’m sure there are also men who try to knock each other down to get ahead, but while on the topic of women in particular, I thought I’d give you an example of something that personally happened to me.

I don’t want to get into too much depth about this, but recently I received a very passive aggressive email from another woman who felt the need to reprimand me, which opened up this topic for me all over again.

Why do some women feel the need to tear other women down?

Personally I don’t get it.  But I do think as women we should try to build each other up, and not tear each other down, don’t you?

C’mon ladies…

Even Princess Leia agrees...

However, if you happen to find yourself the victim of a venomous woman talking smack, you can always keep this in mind…

'Nuff said.

~The End.

Photos courtesy of,, and

20 thoughts on “This One’s For The Girls…

  1. i am so glad that for once, this wasn’t the case for me this morning! i really am quite happy. an old friend recently discovered my sometimes too personal blog, then wrote the most beautiful post on her own blog that began by showing support for me. it seriously made me cry. if only all girls were like that! i hereby vow to be nice, always & forever!

  2. I LOVE that quote at the beginning!! Sheesh, you find the best quotes! I think every gender tears one another down due to insecurity. Period. One feels unsure and small inside, so by some weird rationalization, one thinks that purging that on other people will empty out that feeling. I guess it’s like temporarily masking a symptom of a disease, but not curing it. Possibly making it worse.

    • I definitely agree, but I have only my experiences to compare it to at this point. It will be interesting to see when Matt starts clinicals and residency if he experiences it in the workplace, too.

  3. Loving your post and have to agree that we should support each other than tearing each other down as women. I have worked in a few toxic working environments and not a pleasant situation to find yourself in, especially when management feeds into it instead of stopping or minimizing the drama. I do not know if this is something learned through our maternal generations or in the sandbox. My grandmother tried to teach me that if you have nothing nice to say do not say anything and also know when to pick your battles or to just walk away.

    • First of all, one of my favorite sayings is “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” and I was going to add it to this post, but I forgot! Thanks for the reminder!!

  4. Bottom line, misery loves company. It’s really sad, but if you look at the women like this, they’re typically insecure and unhappy. I dealt with a bully just like this in my last job, I honestly have never known someone so catty. It used to really make my blood boil (and sometimes still does) and then I just remind myself that I should really just feel sorry for her, that she’s so unhappy in her own life that she has to tear others down.

    • It’s so true, the people who are catty like that must be unhappy in their own lives. These people gotta change their ‘tude, though. Seriously!

  5. I believe these types are living what they learned! Women who do this have been taught either by their mothers, sisters or friends…and that’s the sad part…they have been influenced and continue to carry on the manipulative, cut-throat “tradition”. Hollywood has also messed us up…soap operas, dramas and reality shows (especially “The Bachelor”) has made us worse!! Matthew 19:19 “Honour thy father and thy mother: and, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” The world would be a better place if we would all follow those words! P.S. I stay away from people who are like that…my newest expression for them are “worms”…they will eat away at you if you let them! We are just not born and bred this way, thank goodness! Love and miss you!! Hurry home! xoxox

    • Omg Aunt Lor, it’s so true what you said about The Bachelor. Have you ever watched “After the Final Rose?” That’s when the women really unleash on each other. It’s really crazy! If you’ve never watched it, you should. It’s always on after the final episode when the bachelor proposes, and they bring all the women back to rehash with each other what has been said about them behind their backs. They put soap opera drama to shame!!

  6. bravo. good post.
    so I always see these beautiful pictures of your campus in Grenada when I’m reading in higher ed magazines. Would love to read about the things you love about living there…the things you’ll miss, the things that are really cool. you have tended to discuss the inconveniences of living there and I’m curious about whether there are some cool things too.

    • The thing is, if there were cool things about Grenada to talk about, I’d be talking about it. I have a couple of old posts a month or two back that discuss the fish market here, and yoga. Those posts you might find interesting. Unfortunately there is not a whole lot to do here, and if there was, I’d be doing it and blogging about it. Trust me! I can’t talk about what I’ll miss about this place, because to be honest with you, I can’t wait to get back to the United States. It’s been fun, but Matt and I are ready to wrap it up here.

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